Attack of the Giant Robot Chickens Page 5

  “Of course not. They’re from pigeons and craft shops.”

  I nodded at the slippers. “And what about them? They don’t look like chicken feet to me.”

  He did actually blush a bit at that, his face turning as red as his hair. “Well chi… the feathered ones used to be dinosaurs. So we use dinosaur foot slippers. This is the closest that we could get.”

  “But they’re not quite right, are they? It’s nothing to crow about.”

  I could hear a dull thudding coming from Rayna’s direction. By the sound of things she was slowly banging her head against her chair because my puns were so bad. But I was sure I was getting through to them.

  “You don’t copy their image correctly, but even if you did, do you have the right to strut around dressed like them? Did they give you permission?”

  With a desperate glance around Egbert tried to change the subject.

  “What we wear is not the issue here. You are.”

  I would have folded my arms if I could but instead I just tried to look regal. “What is it that you ask of me?” I figured that the new tone would sink in well. And I was right.

  “Do you accept the feathered ones as your rightful masters?”

  I didn’t hesitate. “Of course I do. What sort of an idiot wouldn’t?”

  The look on his face was priceless. His mouth just sort of gaped open and he seemed completely lost for words. “What did you say?”

  “I said of course I do. Look at what they have made of this world. What sense would there be in denying it?”

  “But… but… you aren’t one of us!” Shorty was really having trouble grasping that I might actually believe his madness. “I’ve never seen you before.”

  “And yet I’m here,” I replied. “Is it not said that birds of a feather flock together?”

  That seemed to go down well. My greatest hope was that they wouldn’t realise that I was speaking absolute rubbish.

  Egbert looked around. “I don’t believe you,” he told me, rather stiffly. I just grinned at him.

  “For what reason do you not believe me? What have I done that may cause you to think that I feel otherwise about our glorious masters? The chickens?”

  “The chickens are our masters!”

  I don’t think he’d ever had to think about stuff like this before. I had no idea how this whole thing had started but I was pretty sure that not a lot of thought had gone into it.

  “Well… why do you believe that they are our masters?” Shorty demanded.

  “Because they are unbeatable. The adults have left us behind and now there are only the chickens. Why shouldn’t we follow them? I’m not an egghead but I know that much.”

  “Prove it. Prove you follow them.”

  I thought frantically then realised something I could use to my advantage. “Look in my jacket pocket. The inside one.”

  Egbert gave me a suspicious glare, then gestured to one of his followers, who walked forward nervously. She looked about six and was obviously terrified. I felt sorry for her and gave her an encouraging smile.

  “Don’t worry,” I told her. She smiled back and fished about inside my coat. She soon found the book and pulled it out. “Read the title.”

  “Wings of Bronze,” she said, loudly and carefully, then her eyes widened. She dropped the book in my lap and backed away.

  “See?” I called loudly. “I even read books about chickens!”

  Shorty glanced around in irritation then his eyes fell on Rayna, who he’d apparently forgotten up until now. He pointed triumphantly at her.

  “If you are so committed then why did you travel with her? We have seen her before and we know that she is no true friend of the chickens. We know that she seeks their downfall, although they will never be defeated.”

  That was interesting to know. Shorty’s faith in the chickens seemed dependent on them being unbeatable. If Glen really did have a way to beat the chickens then this lot would collapse as well. I filed that away for later use and focused back on the issue at hand.

  “I did not know this,” I replied. “But what does it matter what she thinks? The chickens are unbeatable. Everyone knows that.”

  “Everyone but her, apparently. And this is an insult to the chickens. We must give her up to them. Though,” and this last bit was obviously said grudgingly, “you seem to have merit, Stranger.”

  I swallowed, my throat suddenly dry. I remembered Rayna saying that some kids gave people to the chickens. She had almost been caught herself because of it. It certainly explained why she was scared of Union Street. But, more importantly, I could probably get out of this. I would just need to sacrifice Rayna to do it.

  “Does she need to be given up? I believe that she can be saved. After all, she did bring me here. Surely that can be counted in her favour? I believe that she needs to be given another chance.”

  Shorty sneered at me. “Do you indeed? Well you still know little of our ways. So you must make this choice. Do you go with her or do you renounce her and stay?”

  I flickered my eyes to the side again but shifted them back when Rayna tried to catch my eyes. Time. I needed more time.

  “Well Stranger? What say you?”

  “I will give you my answer tomorrow,” I said, as loudly and as confidently as I could. “When the rooster gives his call you will know what is on my mind, for that is the proper time for such things.”

  “Very well.” Shorty turned and swept off. I was slightly impressed. I knew it was harder to do a proper sweep than it appears. “Until tomorrow.”

  Maybe he was expecting his followers to go with him. Some of them did, but most stayed, staring at me. I knew I’d probably never have this opportunity again as long as I lived so I gave them a great big beaming smile.

  “Hey,” I said to them. “Want to hear some jokes?”

  Chapter 7

  I managed to keep them entertained for ages. It wasn’t easy. There are a lot of chicken jokes in the world but I had to be careful not to say anything that wasn’t chicken friendly. To begin with they just stared at me. Eventually, though, one or two of them sniggered then they began to laugh at each one. I tried hard not to show it but it freaked me out a bit. A lot of those jokes weren’t even funny.

  As hosts they weren’t that bad. I mean, we were kept strapped to the chairs for the entire day, which became very uncomfortable very quickly, but we were fed at about lunchtime and again at teatime. They had corn on the cob. I have no idea where they managed to find it, but that’s what they gave us. They wouldn’t unbind us but they were good enough to hold it so that we could eat. I think they liked me because there was a small argument over who got to feed me. I’m not going to lie, it felt good to be liked. We even got some butter on the corn. I don’t know where they got that either.

  Eventually night fell and we were left alone. My muscles were all stiff and I really needed to go to the toilet, but at least we were still alive and hadn’t been given to the chickens. Rayna hadn’t said anything during the whole day, even when they’d taken her gag off so that she could eat. She’d just flexed her mouth one or twice as if trying to work the taste of the gag out of it and taken bites of food. They hadn’t replaced it afterwards and she hadn’t given them reason to. I think she’d fallen asleep.

  “Rayna,” I hissed. “Wake up.”

  “I am awake,” she said opening her eyes and straightening her head. “What do you want?”

  I frowned at the tone in her voice.

  “What is it?” I asked.

  She didn’t reply for a time and I thought that she really had fallen asleep. Eventually she said, “What are you going to do tomorrow?”

  “What?” I asked, momentarily confused.

  “What are you going to do tomorrow?” she asked again. “‘When the rooster gives his call’ as you put it. Are you going to abandon me? Give me up to the chickens?”

  “Rayna…”

  She wouldn’t let me finish. “I wouldn’t blame you. You’ve got to loo
k out for yourself. You hardly know me, after all and you’ve certainly made it clear that you don’t trust me. You even kind of fit in here.” Her voice got all choked up and I thought I could see a tear running down her cheek. “Why don’t you just look out for number one?”

  “Rayna,” I said firmly. “Shut up and stop being an idiot.”

  She looked at me, her mouth hanging open slightly. I was surprised too. I didn’t usually speak firmly. “Of course I’m not going to betray you. I just said that to give us some time.”

  “Time for what?” she asked. I looked at her, worried. How could she not get it?

  “Time to escape,” I told her. “Are you all right? You really don’t seem yourself.”

  She shook her head. “Of course I’m not all right, idiot. I’m tied to a chair and being held captive by a cult who want to give me to their chicken overlords. Who would be all right with this?”

  “OK, OK,” I told her, trying to calm her down. “Take a deep breath. Now start from the top. How did they get you? You must have known to look out for them.”

  She did what I told her, breathing in and trying to compose herself. “Of course I did. But I was looking down towards St Nicholas’, where they usually hang out. I didn’t know that they would be on one of their pilgrimages. They got me from behind.”

  I nodded, carefully remembering everything. So we were in the Kirk of St Nicholas. I vaguely remembered it as a tall church. I think I’d been inside it once or twice to look around, but I couldn’t remember much about it.

  “Their pilgrimage?” I asked. I just had to know.

  She nodded wearily. “From time to time they go to a place of evil and throw stuff at it.”

  “A place of evil? Where?”

  “KFC.”

  I couldn’t help it, I cracked up. She glared at me. “Stop it. If you’ve got a way to get us out of here then do it.”

  “OK, just give me a second.” I started struggling against the ropes that bound me. There had to be a weakness here somewhere.

  After fifteen minutes, I realised that there wasn’t. For all their silliness, someone in the Brotherhood of the Egg must have been in the Scouts or something because these were really well tied knots. I tried rocking the chair backwards and forwards but it was old and heavy and wouldn’t budge. Twenty minutes after that I finally accepted it. There was no way out.

  “Any luck?” Rayna asked. I knew that she’d been doing the same thing. From the defeat in her voice she hadn’t had any more success than I had.

  “Um… no. But I’m sure that something will come up.”

  She didn’t even reply to that, just snorted. I knew that it was hopeless as well. The only one who knew where we were was Glen and he wasn’t likely to notice that we were gone or care if he did. He’d probably just assume that we weren’t to be trusted after all. Even if someone from the train station knew they probably wouldn’t do anything about it. We had a rule that said that if someone didn’t come back then that was it. It was easier just believing that they’d left of their own accord than because they’d been caught.

  There was no one coming to save us.

  “So what are you going to do?” Rayna asked after a while. “What are you going to do tomorrow? When they ask for your decision?”

  I thought about it for a moment. “I don’t know,” I said honestly.

  “You don’t know? What is there to know? Either you save yourself or you give us both to the giant chickens.”

  The despair in her voice was horrible to hear.

  “Well what do you want me to do?” I asked.

  “I don’t want to be taken. I really don’t.” She said it in a little voice that made my insides curl up. I had to do something.

  “What day of the week do chickens hate the most?”

  There was a pause. “What?”

  “I said what day of the week do chickens hate the most?”

  “Why are you asking me that now?” I could hear a hint of anger creeping into her voice. Good.

  “Fry-day. Why did the chick disappoint his mother?”

  “Seriously, shut up with the chicken jokes.” She was definitely getting more annoyed.

  “Because he wasn’t everything he was cracked up to be. What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on a hill?”

  She began to rock backward and forwards in her chair, though it didn’t move. “Shut up, shut up, shut up!”

  I delivered the punch line. “An eggroll.”

  And from the shadows off to our left came a giggle.

  We both froze. “Who’s there?” I called.

  Out of the shadows crept the little girl who had taken the book out of my jacket. All day she’d been sitting in the front row of the crowd, gazing up at me. Now she was back.

  And she had a knife.

  I instantly fixed my eyes on it. “What are you doing?” I asked, trying to appear calm.

  The girl circled round behind me. I tried turning my head to keep up with her but eventually she passed the point where my head wouldn’t turn any more. I held my breath, not sure what was about to happen. Then there was a brief sawing sound and my hands were free.

  It felt amazingly good. I could only groan as she went to work on the rope stretched around my chest. When that finally gave way I almost fell forward. I managed to catch myself just in time and massaged my wrists, trying to get some feeling into them. I regretted it a moment later as pain flared sharply through them, but it was better than the numbness. I looked at them and saw that the ropes had left impressions around each hand. I quickly looked away again. The sight just brought more pain.

  While I’d been tending to my hands the girl had freed my legs, which also started hurting a moment later. I tried to stand up but collapsed back down again. It would take a lot of stretching before my legs were able to support my weight. I turned to the girl and did my best to smile through the pain.

  “Could you go and free that girl over there?” I asked, pointing. She looked up at me solemnly, then nodded and scampered over to Rayna, carrying the knife with exaggerated care. A moment later the sound of her hacking away at the ropes drifted over.

  I began jerking and kicking my legs, trying to wake them up. Now that we were free I didn’t want to wait around any longer than I had to. Wings of Bronze had fallen off my lap onto the floor at some point during the day and I picked it up, tucking it back inside my jacket. It might have just saved my life. The least I could do was actually read it.

  After about five minutes I was able to get up and totter over to Rayna, who was only just getting feeling back into her legs herself. She looked up at me and I saw relief flit across her face. “We’re going to be fine,” she whispered. I just nodded to her.

  “Let’s go before they notice that we’re free.” She tried to heave herself up but I pushed her back down.

  “Give it another few minutes. I want to try something.”

  I turned to the little girl and held out my hand. “Can I have the knife, please?”

  She nodded and handed it to me. I don’t know where she’d got it but it was a vicious thing, with a serrated blade on one edge. It looked like it had come from a survival shop to be used against bears or something. I carefully put it to one side and began gathering up all the cut rope. “Do you know where they put our bags?” I asked her.

  She nodded again and skipped off, a white ghost in the darkness. A second later she was back dragging my bag. I coiled the rope and was putting it inside when she returned again with Rayna’s bag.

  “What are you doing?” asked Rayna, still sitting there. I looked up at her and winked.

  “Sowing some confusion,” I told her and pulled out my notebook. “See I use this to jot down chicken jokes when there’s no one there to tell them to. It’s great when I’m on watch with nothing to do.” I tore out one of the pages. It hurt a bit to do it. I’d got really attached to the notebook and vandalising it like that didn’t feel quite right. But part of me felt that the spirit of the n
otebook knew what I was doing and would have agreed. I dug a pen out of a pocket and scribbled on the piece of paper. Then I held it up for Rayna to see.

  “We’ve flown the coop,’” she read out loud. Then she focused on me. “Really?”

  I shrugged as the little girl beside me giggled. “It’s worth a try. Now let’s go.” I turned to the girl. “Coming?”

  “What?” Rayna and the girl said it at the same time. I looked at Rayna and shrugged.

  “Well, we can’t leave her here. She might get into trouble. And she did help us.”

  “But she’s one of them.”

  “She’s a human,” I said firmly. I could tell that Rayna wasn’t thinking clearly. The joy of being free combined with the fear she still felt was a confusing mixture. “That means she’s one of us.”

  Then I turned to the girl. “Do you want to come with us?” I asked her, holding out a hand. She thought about it for a moment, then took my hand and nodded. I reached out my other hand to Rayna and helped pull her to her feet. We got our backpacks firmly settled then set off, creeping down the pews. Luckily we’d been kept near the doors and we didn’t have to go through any side rooms to get out. Rayna eased the door open and we stepped out into the night.

  We were still unsteady on our feet and the little girl looked exhausted. I guess she wasn’t used to late nights. The air was crisp and cold. I knew we couldn’t go far, but we needed to get far enough away that we could take shelter and not be found when they eventually came after us. I was tempted to head for the train station but I couldn’t be sure that we’d make it. The last thing that I wanted to do was lead the cult back there. So I made for the top of Upperkirkgate and the Aberdeen College building. There was a museum we should be able to get in through, and it was a big enough building that we’d probably be able to escape out of a side door if we needed to.

  We made it most of the way there when the bells in the church behind us began pealing out. We lurched forward faster, all three of us dead on our feet. I remembered going up to the top of the church tower once and seeing a little piano that controlled the bells. That was the only way to explain what I was hearing.